...-=Breakout=-...

"Don't stop to ask
Now you've found a break to make at last
You've got to find a way
Say what you want to say
Breakout"

-Swing Out Sisters - *Breakout*

I have a date on Monday! First time again in ages!!! I am excited and nervous at the same time.. but all my friends are saying that it's good and okay to be nervous. His name is Neil and he is English... from Leeds. He's got a really sexy Yorkshire accent and he makes me laugh! I just wish he lives close by as I think Hornsby is quite far and a bit of a treck. He was going to take me to an English place where I can have a Yorkshire pudding but he couldn't find one, he proposed on making me one instead.. but we opted to go out for dinner instead. How do I explain to him that I'm not really a big fan of Chinese? We can have Japanese or Thai, I dont mind them as it's not too oily and greasy. How do I also explain to him that I don't eat carbs after six!!!!??? Geez!!! Problems... problems... But... aside from that, all is well. He seems to be nice.. but then again, aren't they all nice in the beginning??? Hmmm.... We'll see what will happen... but he seems to be okay - for now anyway! :)

Wish me luck!!! :)

...-=Nepal=-...

So that is the plan. To trek the Himalayas in Nepal this year! A challenge I will need to save up for and get ready physically and emotionally for!

Yes, we can!

Woot! :)

...-=CRAZY=-...

I can be a bitch whenever I want to be...

Isn't that nice?! :p

I love all my friends and am happy that no matter how much I get stroppy and grumpy and all crazy... they are still there for me.

Sorry for my outburst yesterday. I was having "one of those days"....

I love you!!! All of you!!! Meeeoooowwww!!! xxx

...-=Dont Panic!=-...

I never said I was in-love....

To all my friends who are now shaking their heads, worrying about what is to become of me... Nothing has changed. I am not in-love, but just happy with the way things are right now. No need to worry, I have no intentions of banging my head on a wall just as yet. Not just yet! :p

...-=And I Try=-....

I pulled away... and you came closer...
And I tried to stay away...
But you know I wanted more...
You know what gets me going...
I know what's in store for me...
All the pain will come back rushing...
But it doesn't matter anymore...

So I tried to pull away...
But it aint working anymore.....

...-=Pleasure is Mine=-...

I just love looking after you... :)

...-=Happy!!!=-...

There are about 180 people in our company... Nine different departments.

And our CEO knows me! :)

I guess being nominated for the Staff Excellence Awards last month did help! ;)

...-=It's Beautiful.... BUT!=-...

A guy who we'll call Geek H has given me a link before of this couple who met on the internet image sharing site Flickr. They're both very talented and artistic photographers who are continents apart, one being in England and the other in America. It's a beautiful story... finding someone special and falling in-love with that person. BUT... it's long distance. I sort of don't agree with that. I mean, no matter what other people say, long distance relationships aren't really very ideal. Been there, done that. It would be a different story if the couple met each other in the same place/area/state and the other one leaves after being together for a couple or a few months. There is already a bond that was made, it would be easier to hang on to it. But if you haven't even met the person and fell in love with them... then it's beautiful. BUT, what foundation will they have to hang on to, stand upon when things are a bit shaky. Like when you feel like cuddling someone, holding someone, touching someone, kissing someone... how do you fix that when you havent even done that with the person who you're in-love with? You have no basis... you are holding on to someone who isn't really there. Oh yes, he is on the internet... but what about those cold nights... or even a day at the beach? You see couples lying right next to each other.. they have someone to ask for to rub sun screen on their backs... Have someone to actually laugh with whilst being "outside" the house. The idea of having someone is to have them with you - not just on your mind or the internet or somewhere in cyberspace, but actually physically with you. You dont have to see each other everyday. But the reason as to why they have to be together is so they can grow together as a couple... I and You becomes "WE or US".

Mind boggling... Tough huh?! I know... Like I've said, been there and done that! Beautiful, sometimes too nice, you woud think that it's ideal... but just think... how do you know that the person is real? How do you know that the feelings are real? When you have nothing to refer back to.....

Beautiful.... I know..... but not ideal.

...-=Eureka!=-...

So... I have finally realised that I am only bored hence the "chasing the chooks" episode! I went to the ranch yesterday as I was going a bit mental and thought... tidying up will fix it and what a better place to do that - the ranch! It needs me... I already have my domain in there - the kitchen! It is Anna's Kitchen! I don't mind being around Chewie... though he can be so annoying sometimes. I realised last night that he's actually really not too bad. But I'm just really bored so will have to find another diversion. I can't be chasing chooks everytime, it drives me mental when I don't catch them!

I have been so busy at work today it's been crazy! But I love it! I love the challenge of it all. Deadlines, tasks, etc... I wonder what tomorrow will be like?

Also.... IRIT'S BACK!!! Yay! Gertrude's not the same without her... We both love Gertrude! Just imagine having coffee or lunch with your favourite books and authors surrounding you.... :) So, this weekend, we'll be at Gertrude and Alice! Yay!!! Welcome back Irit! :)

...-=She Is Here=-...

I have been dreaming about Vannia lately. They are all very vivid dreams. And just thinking about it now gives me goosebumps. Last night she was in my dreams again... we were crossing a small bridge... and she was holding my hands. She was telling me something and I just kept on laughing. When we finished crossing the bridge she told me that "it wasn't too hard at all." She gave me a hug and walked away and looked back telling me that she's just around. I woke up this morning and the first thing I did was listen to our favourite song and thought about her... and talked to her. I miss her so vey much and I wish she was still here with me. She gets me, she understands me and I don't have to explain myself to her cos she will just know it and get it.

That look in her face. That smile. That laugh.

She is still here... in my heart with my soul... I love her and I miss her. I am dying inside just thinking that I can no longer touch her or talk to her or be with her.

Vannia.... I miss you like you've only just left yesterday and I still hurt like you've only been gone today.... I will never forget you.... xxx

...-=Both Sides=-...

I have started meditating at night before I go to bed this week. It's not easy, really. My mind speaks to me - of good, bad and sometimes ugly thoughts. Last night, I was thinking of how people can lie in your face. How some people can be so false. How some people can be just users. It was hard to shake it off. It somehow helps that I listen to a meditation song.. I'm still looking for one which has got some sanskrit being sung.. but the one I'm currently listening too isn't too bad. It is of Tibetan healing bowls and chimes and even after meditating I listen to it till I fall asleep. I now light candles too, I find that it calms my soul down. I am ready to live a life of Zen again. I just need to go back to exercising. Even just going for a walk at least when I'm feeling a bit tired. I have also decided to stay in-love with myself for once... be single and try to stay single. I'm looking forward to peaceful life this year... where I wont be crying... where I wont be getting upset... and where I would just be happy and content. It wont be easy but it would be a really good thing if by the end of this year, 2009... I would be smiling - all happy for a reason knowing that 2010 will even be a better year.

~*~Both Sides~*~

Rows and flows of angel's hair

And icecream castles in the air

And feathered canyons everywhere

I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun

They rain and they snow on everyone

So many things I would have done

But clouds got in my way.

I've looked at clouds from both sides now

From up and down, but still somehow

It's cloud illusions I recall

I really don't know clouds at all.

Moon and Junes and Ferris wheels

That dizzy dancing way you feel

As every fairy tale comes real

I've looked at love that way.

But now it's just another show

You leave them laughing when you go

And if you care, don't let them know

Don't give yourself away.

I've looked at love from both sides now

From give and take, but still somehow

It's love's illusions I recall

I really don't know love at all.

Tears and fears and feeling proud

To say "I love you" right out loud

Dreams and schemes and circus crowds

I've looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange

They shake their heads, they say I've changed

Well something's lost, but something's gained

In living every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose, but still somehow

It's life's illusions I recall

I really don't know life at all.

...-=What Else Is There=-...

I remember posting something here with this title... I just can't remember what it was about, but I know posting the lyrics of the song too. I am now posting the same title again cos it's just how I feel at the moment. I am a big fat question mark!



"In other words, apart from the known and the unknown. What else is there?"
- Harold Printer

...-= The Year of Endless Possibilities =-...

2009... The year of endless possibilities! :) I have a really good feeling about this year. Meeting half-way, passion, happiness and openness. All these is how I started the year. The 1st of January 2009. I got home at 7am roughly and didn't go to bed till around 9am. Woke up at 11am as it was so hot, took a shower and went back to bed - to join MW. MW then left around 2pm and I was so tired (and hung-over). Tried to make a few phone calls but was so exhausted I passed out on the couch... dozing on and off. Finally woke up around 7pm... and saw Polly, my friendly cockatoo with a friend perched on my balcony and that made me smile. She even turned and looked at me... somehow maybe trying to tell me that, this year will be a really good year. :) Polly gave me a sign. I've thought of going to the beach to somehow try to recover and get some fresh air but it was just too hot and too packed. I decided to stay in and just contemplate with what happened the night of the party. I somehow met MW half-way that night - literally as he was at the Rocks and I was at Darling Harbour. We met at Martin Place and on the way back to Shane's apartment, we had a good talk. And no... we didn't get back together. We just talked about life and happiness - happy cells. He's never been so open about how he feels and that night, he was just telling me how much he appreciates me... and that was good to hear.

Anyway, going back to Polly.... Seeing Polly with his friend is like a good omen to me.... He somehow gave me this hope that 2009 will be a better year. And you know what... I really have that strong feeling about it too...

Polly my friendly cockatoo

Polly with his friend perched on my balcony

Here's to 2009 and the beginning of many endless possibilities!!!


Happy New Year!!!