...-=Bull Fight=-...

I went to watch a bull fight during the weekend and it was great!!! Not for the bull (who got slaughtered!) but for the ladies who were cheering for the matador!

Think of animal cruelty... but in this case who would you go for: the ugly and angry bull or the HOT Matador?!!?

You all know who cheered for!!!

...-=My Lil Big Secret I=-...

I know I have to post something here which might help one of my friend who's very close to my heart, but it is very hard for me to do it. I dont know how or where to start but maybe I'll get there....

It has got something to do with my past... like six years ago. When I was feeling so very down... very very down! Well... I was depressed! I was one of those people who they call a functioning depressed person. Happy outside but broken inside. No one knew of my depression except for Bernie as I speak to him on the phone every night (it was more of sobbing actually more than speaking).

I dont think I'm ready to really talk about it now as it makes me feel giddy inside and I feel lumps in my throat writing about it... but I'll get there... I promise, by this week... I just need more courage to get the skeleton out of the closet.

Let this be the beginning of the coming out....

...-=Message to my Gmail Hacker=-...

Someone has been hacking my Gmail! And lucky for that person I will not reveal their identity to save them from embarrassment! I thought that person was a trusted friend... well... I just thought that. Funny what insecurity can do to someone! Guess you'll be wondering how I found out who the person is and how that person is hacking my mail..?? Well, for once, I have some mails which I havent read yet but has been marked as read!!! How did I know who the person is...??? Well, the only place where I left my password was at that person's computer but only cos I didnt know that their computer will store my password and I forgot to change it before I left that persons place! Oh well... try hacking into my mail again and you'll get a very unpleasant surprise from me you COW!!!

One V disappointed Bannana!!! >:(

...-=Nevermind the Bollocks=-...

I got a reply back from Richard (...well since I cant call him I thought maybe I can send him an email instead.). I want to post it here but some people will not appreciate it so I thought I'd just keep it to myself and some of my friends who'll be getting the forwarded email soon! I really want to be friends with him and I'm happy that he knows and understand how I'm feeling.

Like what my lil sister said: "i personally think that u should just enjoy ur time there and not think about anything where boys are involved... just enjoy urself.. U R in FACT in EUROPE after all!! =D ...didnt u escape sydney from that haunting thought anyway?... just try to brush it aside and enjoy the exotic-ness of the place!... u dun need anyone to make u feel happy... U have done it all by yourself before.. im sure u can do it again!" I sometimes think she's more matured than me... well... I know I look younger than her anyway! hahaha!!! Just joking Francesca!

I know I can do this... And as what Richard used as his subject replying to email: "Nevermind the Bollocks!!"

...-=Lazy Arvo=-...

I feel so lazy today and in no mood to post anything here in my blog. Not that it's boring here or anything... just feeling lazy. Got a phone call from Vannia earlier and it's so nice to hear from you girl. I know you're having some really serious problems at the moment chica but as soon as you leave Sydney next month you'll be okay. I just wish you can drop by Andalucia so we can have at least one last crazy time together! Oh... you cant drink anymore can you?! But I swear as soon as you get back home with your family things will be alright.

Was also chatting online with some friends earlier. That was fun too! I just wish I was more productive today. I was just sitting on the computer checking and sending mails and uhmm... myspacing! Lol!!! Anyway... Here's a funny story that happened to me whilst on the bus in Spain... You all know that my Spanish is quite limited... so when I speak Spanish it's quite funny. I was stuck in traffic and it was really hot and I think everybody was getting a bit bored when a lady started clapping her hands flamenco style! Another lady started singing and before I know it everybody was singing and clapping their hands! Man.. if someone starts singing on the bus in Sydney people would think they're crazy! But it was so cool! I didnt know the song so the guy right next to me taught me how to clap to the beat! Hehehehe...

Next week... I'm going to watch a bull fight. It will be something interesting to do! Oh... and yes, I've met some really cool people from England last week too! They're my aunty's friends and they're a really cool couple! Kevin and Virginia Barnes! I'll tell you more about them later... I think it's now time for my siesta... *yawning* I really feel tired today.

Kisses from the Hot Bannana

...-=Sad Sunday in Malaga=-...

Yesterday was one of the saddest days in my life. Richard flew back to London last night and before that he dropped me off the coach stop. The night before (Saturday) was a very beautiful night... had such a wonderful time with him. We went out for dinner where I gave him a matching necktie and cuff links for work as my thank you present and he gave me a watch as his thank you present too. I didnt want to take it as he has already spent so much money on me for our holiday in Malaga but he said he'll be offended if I wont take it. It was a bit cold (13 deg) at the beach but hang out till around 1am just looking at the full moon, cuddling, kissing and laughing and giggling about silly things. It was such a beautiful night. I asked him what he liked about me and he said he liked everything about me. From my care-free, relaxed personality to the way I giggle about everything I think is silly and funny. He said so many things which was so flattering that I told him he doesnt have to say those things anymore as he has already got me in the sack and he said "shut up". Hehehehe.... He said I've extended his summer. From the first night he met me he said I was such a warm and bubbly person he cant get over it that he thought he has to see me again. He was so very flattering really (A true English chap?) I've never met a guy who's so very open about how they feel & I told him that and he said that he's got nothing to lose by being open about his feelings... that at the end of the day I was the one who was going make the decision anyway. I asked him decision with what..??!!? And this was his deal. This is exactly what he said: "I will not call you when I get back to London because I want you to think clearly. You will only call me when you have decided to stay in London. If not, then let's just move on with our lives." He said he'll wait for my call till the 10th of November. So.... yes... I'm so very confused! I was a bit shocked at first but thought it was only fair what he was doing. I didnt know what to say that I just looked away and stared at the moon and he said "Sport, you dont have to think about it now. It's not the right time and definitely not the right place." I was a bit sad because now I'm really confused and I dont know what to do. I have grown to like this guy in the span of 5 days! Not only is he gorgeous looking and charming. I mean he does have his crazy side too (oh... we had a BIG fight last Friday and there were tears-MINE!) but it's tolerable. He's a man -not a boy trapped inside a 35 y/o's body. He's normal yet crazy (he said yoga is only a form of deep meditation & not really tone all parts of your body. It just makes you flexible and your muscles stronger. We were having a big arguement about it & you all know me, I'll agree just to end it!). Very active, likes to swim, cycle and loves to take his boat sailing. A great lover, funny friend and good companion, very smart (grad of Oxford with masters in Business and Economics), has got a killer smile which makes me melt everytime and is very caring and thoughtful and honest. We went out for drinks and got home pissy around 3am where we made love till sunrise (Oh! Have I told you... he fulfilled my sexual fantasy last Thursday! He's the BOMB!!!) then he woke me up around 1pm with kisses and cuddles as we have to leave the villa by 4pm. His flight going back to London was at 8pm and he dropped me at my coach stop before going to the airport. He gave me a hug and slipped a ring on my finger- it's a friendship ring... for me not to forget him. I cried and he said "Sport, dont cry please. Life is too beautiful for tears." Aww... he's so sweet!!! I told him I wont forget him and he said he hopes to hear from me. I said I hope I make the right decision and to be honest I'm so sad and so very stupid as I have already decided Sunday morning when we were at the beach. I'm going back to Sydney. I'm not ready to move to London. I mean, yes he lives in a poshy suburb in Central London but I dont think I'll be comfortable being so dependent on him. I can just imagine living and working with him at the same time! We will be together 24/7...!!! I think it's a bit too much at the moment... I only know this guy since for less than 2 months! Love shouldn't be scary ( I dont think I'm in love either!) and I'm scared shitless already! Although I feel happy when I'm with him, I feel nervous and scared thinking of being with him in the future! I have been reading my book and I know Tolle said not to worry about too much about the future... BUT NOT THIS! It's such a big deal! My decision will either make or break me. See, I want to be in a relationship... but this time I want it to last. I want us both to be able to handle our crazy side and be able to compromise and meet half way. It has to be a 2 way street. He hasnt even seen my crazy side and yet he's asking me to move in with him. What will happen if Igo psycho on him one day when I'm PMS'ing? When I'm feeling really stressed after work and I'm not in the mood to be all nice and sweet? What if I want to see my family and friends? I love my family and friends... his family's far away from him and he's used to it... why cant he move to Sydney instead? They have an office in Sydney too! Why do I have to make most of the changes? What will happen if the honeymoon period is over? When the endless love-making starts to fizzle? When he gets too busy at work and I'm moping around cos I'm feeling homesick? I believe in love... I believe in destiny... I believe that if we love someone, we should set them free. And if they do come back it's meant to last forever.

I'll never forget Richard. He's one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me since I left Sydney. He's always been there for me... from London- when I was feeling really really sad and home sick, Poland- when I got stuck at Warsaw airport at 4am and I had to call him and wake him up at 3am in London and now in Spain- just to spend some time getting to know me. I've never felt so special (after Philip)... I'll miss his gorgeous face and that gorgeous smile. His hazel brown eyes and his clean cut hair. The way he shaves in the morning (it's a serious task! according to him.). His sexy English accent (oh... I love the way he says good morning when he wakes me up in the morning with a kiss and some tickles.) The way he swings his golf club (showing off his sexy bum! He also taught me how to play golf.) The way he looks when he's sailing... HOT AS! I'll also never forget when he kissed me at the golf greens right infront of that hot Spanish girl who was flirting with him and then he said, sorry I'm taken! The way he danced when the song Your Body played in the club... he was so funny!!! the way he picks me up when he kisses me (he's so damn tall!!!) Oh... everything! I'll miss everything about him! But ew cant be together now. :( I cant commit to him right now... not when I'm far away from my family and friends (who I miss so much right now!!!) I need support when it comes to things like this! Vannia is right... (thanks for the call babe.) He's too good to be true and there has to be a catch! Besides, most guys are nice to their girlfriends on the first couple of months anyway. And she doesnt like the fact thathe cut my hair when I was asleep, and when he threw me out of the boat when he knew that I cant swim (the water was only waist deep... BUT STILL!!! That was our big fight last Friday!) She said he's a bit of a psycho... imagine what he'll do to me when he gets really angry about something... so thats something to think about.

Anyway, I'm sad now but I'll be okay soon. It's just another break up. And it's so weird cos now they give me presents after breaking up and it's all a good break-up (although with Mark it got a bit complicated in the end. Richard said Mark was manipulating me and for that he's twat. I'll never forget what he said: " You're young and beautiful. You're a young gorgeous chicken. He may be handsome, but he's an old rooster, he can only crow for so long. HAHAHA!!!") It's all good... whatever happens, happens... he'll always be in my heart... He's special!
Richard- the Champ!

PS:
Have I told you... he's good friends with Matt Dawson!

Kisses from Gib... Xxx

...-=Miercoles-Loco=-...

I'm in Malaga, Spain with Richard. He decided to go to Costa del Sol instead as it's now rainng in Barcelona and he said he's had enough of the rain from London (fair enough... I do understand that.) He's rented a villa for 5 days and hired a sail boat as that's his passion. I told him I dont know how to swim and he said for me not to worry as he's got no intentions of drowning me! Funny! While having lunch, he made a weird request- NO PICTURE TAKING! He said it's better that way... not much to remember "us" by but meeting in London and having a rendezvous In Spain. This afternoon -Siesta Time, he went sailing and I decided to take a nap as we went to bed really late last night and had to wake up early for our trip to Malaga. I was woken up by him-CUTTING MY HAIR!!! He got me a fringe-not a straight one , but not bad either! I freaked out and asked him what the fuck was he doing! And he said he really likes my hair and wants to keep some of it. I walked out of our villa and didnt come back till around 7PM. I was hungry and was craving for paella and here in Spain you cant order for paella when your dining solo, so I had to go get him. He said he was sorry for scaring me and he said he was going to ask me but thought I'd freak out and say no so he thought a lil hair cut wouldnt harm me. I told him: "I like your dick... so can I CUT a bit of it too?!!?" He got the message so there will be no more cutting and chopping. Anyway, we were just about to go out for drinks when he asked me if I have been seeing someone back in Gibraltar. I havent, I told him- I really havent actually! Then he said he knows we're not exclusive to each other but he just wants me to be honest. I asked him what's he on about and he asked me why I have half naked photos of myself on my mobile phone!? Seriously, I dont have a clue either so I told him I didnt know about it. It was probably when I was at Lourdes house one night and we were so drunk (us girls) and it was so hot that we all decided to take our tops off. There were no guys anyway and maybe Jacquie started taking pictures from my phone as she was the one holding my phone that night. I'll ask her when I get back to Gib but now it's so hard to explain and convince Richard what really happened. It's causing too much tension between us now. He said he's tired and he wants to have an early night so he'll just have dinner and go back to the casa. He said if I want to go out drinking I can. Hmm.... you reckon tomorrow I'll still have my hair or will I be bald?!!? Hehehehe.... But no, Richard's not like that. I'll just re-assure him that I have been behaving myself.

Anyway, have to go now. I'm really hungry and I'm craving for some tapas. I'll see if I can change Richard's mood and try to cheer him up. Wish me heaps of luck!!!!

Besame mucho!!! Xxx

...-=Richard=-...

He has surprised me! He arrived 3 days in advance and now he's here! Lol!!! I got a phone call around 1pm and I was in Spain wandering around trying to practice my Spanish by going to the "Loco". He's now in Malaga and will be driving to Gibraltar tonight when he's finished booking his hotel room here in Gib and our hotel in Barcelona. I think we will be going to Barcelona this Wednesday but hmmm... I have charity work and I'm feeling a bit guilty. Oh well... hehehe... I cant believe I feel excited about the whole Richard thing!!! I swear I'm not that keen on him, but he's really a nice guy and he's fun to be with! He's got a really good sense of humour! I feel so over the moon when I heard his voice but of well... LOL!!! I sorta told him the other night that we have no future though and he seems to be okay about it. He said we'll just go with the flow and not worry about it for now as we are still enjoying each others company anyway. I wonder how much his phone bill is though..??? He calls almost every other day and Lourdes is starting to ask too many questions (she's pairing me with Alfonso-hot Spanish guy!) and she's not happy about Richard calling too much. Hahaha!!! I feel like I'm a player! but I'm not I swear! I didnt tell her that I'm going to Barcelona with Richard though... she wont be happy. Oh well.... I'm havin a ball... I'm havin heaps fun!

Kisses from Gib! xxx