Tuesday, March 17, 2009

...-=All Hyped Up=-...

And so it goes....

I am indeed ready to rumble! Roll out the barrell of cheers! :)

I have been feeling a bit "hi-lo" lately and it's because I am doubting some things in my life and the reason why I am happy. I know... it's so retarded. I have snapped out of it now and am once again counting my blessings. I love the way I can easily sway myself to happiness these days!

I am Anna, and I am happy! :)

...-=Happy Battle=-...

I am dedicating this post to Francis Magalona, a legend of Filipino music who passed away early this month after a long fought but "happy battle" with Leukaemia. I myself have friends who has/had cancer and one of them has already gone to be in a happier place and the other I think is in remission. Both different stories, but both close to my heart. I have always thought that battling this disease is life changing... one tough MOFU! It not only affects the person who's got it but also the people who are close to their hearts. I admire how Francis Magalona (FM) has fought this battle. He reminded me of my best friend Vannia (bless her soul!) who fought her battle with spinal cancer with a smile on her face. She made sure that before she left the people close to her heart that we were all ready for it... that we would be okay. She's made sure that she'll leave us with a smile in our hearts. I think FM did the same. Like FM, Vannia was bitter and angry in the beginning.. but who wouldn't be? But as soon as she realised that she was on borrowed time, she has decided to just spread and share the love, laughter and her sweet sweet smile. I miss her so much!!! I admire them both... I admire how they fought till the end... with a smile. I wish I can put Vannia's photos here... but I respect her husband Gary's wishes of not sharing it with other people as it is an intimate but sweet last photo of her only to be shared with loved ones. But that last photo was of her smiling and you can see the glimmer in her eyes. :) I really do miss her a lot... She has told me not to be sad and not to cry when I get that phone call from Gary. I failed. Of course I cried. I've just lost someone so beautiful! And I was reminded that she really hasn't left me as she will always be in my heart. She has changed me in a good way and she has helped me grow as who I am now. She has given me back the confidence I have once lost and has helped me realise that I am worth everything in the world. She made me feel loved and understood and made me live life and love to the fullest always telling me that "I have nothing but maybe tears to lose. But it's always good to have a cry sometimes as it cleanses the soul." It was a happy battle... and just reading FM's blog and medical journal... it makes me smile that he has left something behind that many people can learn from.

I sometimes wish that Vannia's left a journal for me to get back to as well.. but it doesn't matter. She's left something more precious, and that is the warm smile and hug in my heart that I will cherish forever... till we meet again.

I love you baby cakes!

Monday, March 02, 2009

...-=Let Lose=-...

Mind over matter.. Mind over everything... This is the reason why our head is at the top of our body and not everything else. I have learnt how to control my emotions, which is predominantly the cause of my problems the past... ages ago - years! (*looks at her freshly painted cute pink fingernails* - they look cute! Hee hee... Sorry, I got distracted! :p) I miss Chewie though, I havent seen him for 2 weeks now. That is a long time. I rarely speak to him as well.. I miss our good, crazy banters! I spoke to him last night and he was good. He seems to be doing well and I'm happy that he is. I just miss his crazy cool company though.. despite the madness! hehe.. BUT mind over matter. I will not go back to the blackhole of mixed emotions ever again. Will not go back to the place where I used to question myself, my decisions and my feelings. I am in a happier place now where I can be myself, enjoy myself and be just me. No restrictions, no boundaries and no pretentions.

Anna, that is me - is back! :) Happy, healthy & good spirited!