...-=Sad Sunday in Malaga=-...

Yesterday was one of the saddest days in my life. Richard flew back to London last night and before that he dropped me off the coach stop. The night before (Saturday) was a very beautiful night... had such a wonderful time with him. We went out for dinner where I gave him a matching necktie and cuff links for work as my thank you present and he gave me a watch as his thank you present too. I didnt want to take it as he has already spent so much money on me for our holiday in Malaga but he said he'll be offended if I wont take it. It was a bit cold (13 deg) at the beach but hang out till around 1am just looking at the full moon, cuddling, kissing and laughing and giggling about silly things. It was such a beautiful night. I asked him what he liked about me and he said he liked everything about me. From my care-free, relaxed personality to the way I giggle about everything I think is silly and funny. He said so many things which was so flattering that I told him he doesnt have to say those things anymore as he has already got me in the sack and he said "shut up". Hehehehe.... He said I've extended his summer. From the first night he met me he said I was such a warm and bubbly person he cant get over it that he thought he has to see me again. He was so very flattering really (A true English chap?) I've never met a guy who's so very open about how they feel & I told him that and he said that he's got nothing to lose by being open about his feelings... that at the end of the day I was the one who was going make the decision anyway. I asked him decision with what..??!!? And this was his deal. This is exactly what he said: "I will not call you when I get back to London because I want you to think clearly. You will only call me when you have decided to stay in London. If not, then let's just move on with our lives." He said he'll wait for my call till the 10th of November. So.... yes... I'm so very confused! I was a bit shocked at first but thought it was only fair what he was doing. I didnt know what to say that I just looked away and stared at the moon and he said "Sport, you dont have to think about it now. It's not the right time and definitely not the right place." I was a bit sad because now I'm really confused and I dont know what to do. I have grown to like this guy in the span of 5 days! Not only is he gorgeous looking and charming. I mean he does have his crazy side too (oh... we had a BIG fight last Friday and there were tears-MINE!) but it's tolerable. He's a man -not a boy trapped inside a 35 y/o's body. He's normal yet crazy (he said yoga is only a form of deep meditation & not really tone all parts of your body. It just makes you flexible and your muscles stronger. We were having a big arguement about it & you all know me, I'll agree just to end it!). Very active, likes to swim, cycle and loves to take his boat sailing. A great lover, funny friend and good companion, very smart (grad of Oxford with masters in Business and Economics), has got a killer smile which makes me melt everytime and is very caring and thoughtful and honest. We went out for drinks and got home pissy around 3am where we made love till sunrise (Oh! Have I told you... he fulfilled my sexual fantasy last Thursday! He's the BOMB!!!) then he woke me up around 1pm with kisses and cuddles as we have to leave the villa by 4pm. His flight going back to London was at 8pm and he dropped me at my coach stop before going to the airport. He gave me a hug and slipped a ring on my finger- it's a friendship ring... for me not to forget him. I cried and he said "Sport, dont cry please. Life is too beautiful for tears." Aww... he's so sweet!!! I told him I wont forget him and he said he hopes to hear from me. I said I hope I make the right decision and to be honest I'm so sad and so very stupid as I have already decided Sunday morning when we were at the beach. I'm going back to Sydney. I'm not ready to move to London. I mean, yes he lives in a poshy suburb in Central London but I dont think I'll be comfortable being so dependent on him. I can just imagine living and working with him at the same time! We will be together 24/7...!!! I think it's a bit too much at the moment... I only know this guy since for less than 2 months! Love shouldn't be scary ( I dont think I'm in love either!) and I'm scared shitless already! Although I feel happy when I'm with him, I feel nervous and scared thinking of being with him in the future! I have been reading my book and I know Tolle said not to worry about too much about the future... BUT NOT THIS! It's such a big deal! My decision will either make or break me. See, I want to be in a relationship... but this time I want it to last. I want us both to be able to handle our crazy side and be able to compromise and meet half way. It has to be a 2 way street. He hasnt even seen my crazy side and yet he's asking me to move in with him. What will happen if Igo psycho on him one day when I'm PMS'ing? When I'm feeling really stressed after work and I'm not in the mood to be all nice and sweet? What if I want to see my family and friends? I love my family and friends... his family's far away from him and he's used to it... why cant he move to Sydney instead? They have an office in Sydney too! Why do I have to make most of the changes? What will happen if the honeymoon period is over? When the endless love-making starts to fizzle? When he gets too busy at work and I'm moping around cos I'm feeling homesick? I believe in love... I believe in destiny... I believe that if we love someone, we should set them free. And if they do come back it's meant to last forever.

I'll never forget Richard. He's one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me since I left Sydney. He's always been there for me... from London- when I was feeling really really sad and home sick, Poland- when I got stuck at Warsaw airport at 4am and I had to call him and wake him up at 3am in London and now in Spain- just to spend some time getting to know me. I've never felt so special (after Philip)... I'll miss his gorgeous face and that gorgeous smile. His hazel brown eyes and his clean cut hair. The way he shaves in the morning (it's a serious task! according to him.). His sexy English accent (oh... I love the way he says good morning when he wakes me up in the morning with a kiss and some tickles.) The way he swings his golf club (showing off his sexy bum! He also taught me how to play golf.) The way he looks when he's sailing... HOT AS! I'll also never forget when he kissed me at the golf greens right infront of that hot Spanish girl who was flirting with him and then he said, sorry I'm taken! The way he danced when the song Your Body played in the club... he was so funny!!! the way he picks me up when he kisses me (he's so damn tall!!!) Oh... everything! I'll miss everything about him! But ew cant be together now. :( I cant commit to him right now... not when I'm far away from my family and friends (who I miss so much right now!!!) I need support when it comes to things like this! Vannia is right... (thanks for the call babe.) He's too good to be true and there has to be a catch! Besides, most guys are nice to their girlfriends on the first couple of months anyway. And she doesnt like the fact thathe cut my hair when I was asleep, and when he threw me out of the boat when he knew that I cant swim (the water was only waist deep... BUT STILL!!! That was our big fight last Friday!) She said he's a bit of a psycho... imagine what he'll do to me when he gets really angry about something... so thats something to think about.

Anyway, I'm sad now but I'll be okay soon. It's just another break up. And it's so weird cos now they give me presents after breaking up and it's all a good break-up (although with Mark it got a bit complicated in the end. Richard said Mark was manipulating me and for that he's twat. I'll never forget what he said: " You're young and beautiful. You're a young gorgeous chicken. He may be handsome, but he's an old rooster, he can only crow for so long. HAHAHA!!!") It's all good... whatever happens, happens... he'll always be in my heart... He's special!
Richard- the Champ!

PS:
Have I told you... he's good friends with Matt Dawson!

Kisses from Gib... Xxx