...-=It Wasn't That Hard Actually=-...

Wow... It wasnt that tough to let go... I thought I'd be crying my eyes out for nights, weeks and months! But - I'm actually feeling a lot better now. I have been smiling and laughing and yes, I still get teary eyed - but it's just normal I suppose. I guess I have over-cried myself on him already. I guess I am just over the whole thing. And it does help that he's not here, have no contact and I cant see him at all! I still have some of his things which I might drop by the weekend after this weekend but that's not really a priority. I remember I left the bracelet that Vannia gave to me at his place and same with my books - they're the most important thing.... Again, it's not really a priority... but I would want to have them back eventually.

 

I feel so light-hearted, like a burden has been lifted from my chest. I never realised that it was that bad until last night. I was treated more as a servant, a nurse, when really I should've been treated better... Why I put up with all of it.. Sara said I was blinded by love. Love can make you really stupid! I guess what pulled the last straw was when I realised that he was saying mean and bad things about me to his friends who doesnt have clue with what's really going on! I mean being called a stalker, psycho and nuisance isnt really nice is it, when all you really did was just to be there as a friend?!! Yes... I wasnt treated even as a friend.... Not so very nice. I know he has said nice things about me to some people too... but he's probably taken them back now.... Hmmmm.... If they only know the true story.

 

I guess this is the best thing that I have really done for myself. I have taken off the leash that he has put on me... No more pulling back and forth. He knows, I have told him, that when I get fed up, that is the end of it. I never wanted it to end this bad (this is actually not bad compared to the Philip Saga...!!!), but it was his fault. If he answered my questions, gave me the closure that I was asking from him and never led me to believe that we are actually friends... it would've been long over. If he didnt tell me those nice things about me being his "important friend", "one of his bestfriends", and that he loves me.... I would've gone.... cos none of them were true anymore... and he said the opposite to his friends which then made me look stupid. But I'm past that now... I'm now healing... One day I will learn to forgive and forget.... but at the moment, just let me be.... I am entitled to be angry... as I have always been there for him... I honestly dont know what the hell he was talking about me being a nuisance when I have only been a friend to him. I was there with him and for him when he was having his nervous breakdown... I bet none of his friends knew about it, except for Paul as I told him and I have to admit, though Paul can be so unreliable and may seem a bit lost at times... when he breaks down and if something really serious and major happens to him... Paul will be there for him! Paul really loves him and sees him as his brother and I have to say that he is a top bloke - despite his short-comings.

 

I guess my duties are over now. I can finally look after myself, focus on myself and make myself grow once again.... I dont think I will be dating for a while though, this has been one hell of a journey! But no regrets.... I loved him, I learned from the experience. I just hope that he's stop doing this not just to me but also to the other girls that he will dating in the future....

 

Karma is on my side... I've given heaps... will get ten-folds back!!! I'm happy with that... :)

 

Thank you for teaching me to become a better person. :)