...-=Changes=-...

I think this year is the year of changes and moving on for me... Changed jobs twice... moved flats twice... and love life - zilch! Well, it's complicated but I'd rather call it zilch as it is somehow none-existent anyway.... Love does not exist where it cant be seen, nor touched.. though it can be felt - but it is not yet love... so yes, zilch! For the first time in years... I am single, and I'm lovin it! I still miss the occassional dramas in my life but I can get drama whenever I want to anyway. So easy.... just make a few phone calls... and voila! Dramas! No tears though... I'm so not into that anymore... I'd like to think that I have now changed. After the break-up, I feel so much refreshed, re-energized and I'm not ready to let go of those feelings yet. I'm happy to just get attention (I think I may have ADD??!!) and the occassional affection... though I miss hugs and kisses... like loads of them!!! I'm just happy that things are now sort of resolved with some people who I may have hurt in the past. I havent apologised but for some reason, I feel like I have been forgiven. This time, I want retain the good change... just be positive about it all... try not to hurt others and most importantly, try not to hurt myself.

Live more, laugh more, love more!

...-=Attached-Detached=-...

So... here I am again! Hello Piley! :p No smilies today as I am at work, pretending to be busy (probably shouldn't have written that here - my manager might google me! :p)

So yes... thanks to the www, I have met someone. Yes, Anna has gone cyber! Woot! And he is nice... and sweet and everything you girlies would want. But yes, he is in Cyber Space! Okay.. not literally (but literally too?), he is currently far far away. We have been chatting for a while, has seen each others photos and the like and have been open (I hope!) with each other - without no expectations. As much as I try... I am starting to like him - A LOT. Which I know... some of you might think: "how is that possible, when you haven't even met the guy yet?" Seriously, I've asked myself that question so many times as well... and like before, I have no answer to my questions!

I am enjoying the feeling... though feeling a bit scared as I'm getting attached to him. It's a scary thought... the fact that I am actually having real feelings for this guy.... and yet... he is hundreds of miles away - and have NOT met him.....

Shake it off!!! Hmmm.... I will try!

...-=Positive + Goodness=-...

I hope and pray that you'll be able to let go of the anger, the hurt and the frustrations that life, not just the people close to you (past and present) has given you. Learn to forgive and to forget and be able to move on without looking back at the past hurt as this will still attract negative vibes. While you are there, I want you to heal not just physically but emotionally from the past hurts and pains that you have experienced before. The hardest part will be the two which is forgiving and forgetting... but it will be worth it in the end. Once you have let go of these... then you can start fresh.. start new.. and have all the positive vibes and the goodness in life in you again...
 
Chewie, you'll find that once you have let go of all these negative emotions... that you will no longer feel anger and frustration... but will always see the goodness of every little thing... the simplicity of life...
 
You may think that I am not making sense or being silly but I believe in all of these things that Buddha has taught.... happiness comes from within... and with anger, resentment, pride and hurt, this will not completely happen....
 
Let it all go Chewie... take the opportunity that you have now that you are closer to the higher being.

...-=Attitude=-...

I only wish that he will be less of an angry person. Be able to stand back and look and observe before saying something when a tough or not si good situation arises. He can be so nice you know, but no matter what I do or say, these changes, the happiness and the goodness in life that he's been hoping for, will be so far-fetched if he doesnt see the goodness in little things, in some people... after all they all start small...

 

I really do wish him well....  

...-=Narcissism=-...

 

 

 

 

 

After getting an invite to the play The Narcissist and reading the synopsis of it, I silent laughed and thought to myself... "Oh geez... this reminds me of someone I know! Why I never thought about it before is just so funny! Love really can blind people. I'm glad I bumped my head really hard this time and have awakened to the reality of it all... hehehe...

 

Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited

What is Narcissism?

A pattern of traits and behaviors which signify infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of all others and the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one's gratification, dominance and ambition.

Most narcissists (75%) are men.

NPD is one of a "family" of personality disorders (formerly known as "Cluster B").

Other members: Borderline PD, Antisocial PD and Histrionic PD.

NPD is often diagnosed with other mental health disorders ("co-morbidity") - or with substance abuse, or impulsive and reckless behaviors ("dual diagnosis").

NPD is new (1980) mental health category in the Diagnostic and Statistics Manual (DSM).

There is only scant research regarding narcissism. But what there is has not demonstrated any ethnic, social, cultural, economic, genetic, or professional predilection to NPD.

It is estimated that 0.7-1% of the general population suffer from NPD.

Pathological narcissism was first described in detail by Freud. Other major contributors are: Klein, Horney, Kohut, Kernberg, Millon, Roningstam, Gunderson, Hare.

The onset of narcissism is in infancy, childhood and early adolescence. It is commonly attributed to childhood abuse and trauma inflicted by parents, authority figures, or even peers.

There is a whole range of narcissistic reactions - from the mild, reactive and transient to the permanent personality disorder.

Narcissists are either "Cerebral" (derive their narcissistic supply from their intelligence or academic achievements) - or "Somatic" (derive their narcissistic supply from their physique, exercise, physical or sexual prowess and "conquests").

Narcissists are either "Classic" - see definition below - or they are "Compensatory", or "Inverted" - see definitions here: "The Inverted Narcissist".

NPD is treated in talk therapy (psychodynamic or cognitive-behavioral). The prognosis for an adult narcissist is poor, though his adaptation to life and to others can improve with treatment. Medication is applied to side-effects and behaviors (such as mood or affect disorders and obsession-compulsion) - usually with some success.

Please read CAREFULLY!

The text in italics is NOT based on the Diagnostics and Statistics Manual, Fourth Edition-Text Revision (2000).

The text in italics IS based on "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited", fourth, revised, printing (2003)

An all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood and present in various contexts. Five (or more) of the following criteria must be met:

• Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents to the point of lying, demands to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

• Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequalled brilliance (the cerebral narcissist), bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic narcissist), or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or passion

• Firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people (or institutions)

• Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation - or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious (narcissistic supply)

• Feels entitled. Expects unreasonable or special and favorable priority treatment. Demands automatic and full compliance with his or her expectations

• Is "interpersonally exploitative", i.e., uses others to achieve his or her own ends

• Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with or acknowledge the feelings and needs of others

• Constantly envious of others or believes that they feel the same about him or her

• Arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes coupled with rage when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted

Some of the language in the criteria above is based on or summarized from:

American Psychiatric Association. (2000). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders, fourth edition, Text Revision (DSM IV-TR). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association

...-=Hola!=-...

Anna is not Mexican....

Is not!

Really....!!!

Anna is Filipino.

Anna is from Australia but was born in a country called the Philippines.

...-=Doped=-...

I have to admit, I am feeling so empty, so hopeless at times, so down and so..... I cant explain the feeling....

I am having a rollercoaster ride of emotions....

I hate this feeling!!!