...-=Black and White... No Gray Matter=-...

I was so upset when I heard the news about Vannia's passing away... in fact I am still so sad about it. I cant imagine not hearing her voice anymore... I cant imagine not hearing her crazy and loud laughter or shall I say clucking. Little things like that makes me feel sad. But like what Gary and Marky said, she doesnt want to see me sad or upset. Besides, she's now in a better place. It's hard writing about her here now. The fact that I know that she will no longer be reading my blog. She is the only person who reads this anyway... and maybe some of my friends back in Europe too... if they have the time that is.

Losing Vannia made me think and realise what friendship truly means though. It's true how Vannia and I had our up's and down's... crazy fights and silly arguments. But despite of all that, we knew that we loved each other. Vannia was the kind of person who forgives and forgets... specially if she loves you. She was the kind of friend who even if you had a big fight over something stupid probably... would come and get you if you're stuck somewhere... even if you're out of her way and give you a big hug and check and see if you're OK. She was a very selfless person. She was very giving and she was very thoughtful. She would tell you if you looked like a dag if you're really looking like one BUT in saying that she would make sure that you'd get changed and will be wearing something stunning to redeem yourself... shame we didnt had the same shoe size... she had a size 10 feet!!! She was a very beautiful person... a very beautiful friend... a very beautiful being sent from above!

Losing Vannia made me realise how little friends I have. How not all of my friends are truly my friends. How some of them dont really know who I am... and maybe will never understand me or have the patience that she had for me. It makes me more sad just thinking about that. So true... Shai once said, Vannia said I was her soulmate. Maybe she was my soulmate. I never had to hide my feelings from her... I can never do it. She knows when I'm sad, troubled or pissed off. She can tell behind my smiling face. She said she can read my eyes. She can tell just by one look. She said she can read right through me. And I miss that. I miss ot having to tell her about my stories cos she would prompt me anyway. I dont have to tell her... cos she will want to know and would bug me to speak out. I will miss her so much! The fact that she was such a stunner and she didnt give a damn! She knew she was hot... but like she said she wants to be daggy every now and then just to even things out and be fair. She didnt care if she was pretty... in fact she never took advantage of her beauty. Well... yes, she was in some magazines and she walked the catwalk a few times... but that never got in her head. She was so humble... so kind. Though she can be crazy too!!! She wasnt perfect! She would drive Gary crazy! Drove her Maserati like a looney! She drove me nuts! And she made sure that when she does... it will sink in and that we wont forget that she can be crazy too! But she never intended to harm other people along the way. She knew when to stop... when to let go... And thats what I loved about her. I cant help but think how Vannia is so easy to understand. She has no mood swings... well, except when she's coming down and recovering from a big night out! But she is so black and white... I never once asked her to explain herself because there was no need... she is so transparent. And I think thats what everyone who knew her loved about her. She's so down to earth, and very considerate of others feelings... She loved who I love because she knows that person makes me happy. She understood how I felt when I said I was in love because she said she has loved already and she knew how it felt and that I should just cherish the person and the feeling cos if it goes away... it seldom comes back.. and if it does... it's never the same. And it's true... no one can ever replace Vannia... she is one of a kind. I have never told her that she is a precious gift to me too... I should have though.... she always tell people that I am to her but she didnt realise how much her friendship meant to me!!!

Vannie... JÁ Amor tebe tolik!!! Tebe vůle vždycky být doma má srdce.... Tebe vůle vždycky být doma má srdce!!!

I hope my Czech was correct... if not, just correct me when we see each other again. I love you my Vannie-kins!!! So very much!!! And I miss you so very much already!!! But I'll never forget what you last told me before Christmas... that I will never lose you... because you will always be in my heart... and that you are the little angel on my right shoulder.. telling me that it's OK to be naughty every now and then. I will miss our giggling fits that no one understands... but just us! I will miss US!!!

I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU IVANIA ELISKA MLIEZIVOVA.... YOU WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN!!!