...-=What Else Is There=-...

It was my birthday party yesterday and I had fun... though I really wanted my old friends to be there too. I guess when we grow old... and there is "distance" it is quite hard to catch up with friends. It was good though... I had heaps fun at Luna Park! Didn't like the stripper much.. she freaked me out! But it was great hanging out with my friends. :)

 

I went to Tatlers to meet up with Mark and Paul after.... And I had heaps fun. After a few too many drinks we went back to Mark's to crash. Waking up the next day... I was a bit confused as to where I was. It took me a good 2-3 minutes to realise that I was actually at Mark's place. I was looking around and saw a photo of Mark and a girl on the wall. She looked a bit old so I sorta figured it was Beata. Then I got more confused... "what the f*ck am I really doing here?" I wasn't sure what to think... I didn't know if I was feeling a pinch in my heart or what... but it really doesn't matter now. I asked Mark when he woke up who she was and he just said it's You... meaning... I don't want to talk about it... or maybe I don't want to answer your question... or you know who she is. But again... it doesn't matter. I love Mark and I want to be with him right now. Whatever happens... I don't have any answers as to why I love him so much... and no! It's not just about the sex. Besides he will lose his sex drive for a while anyway while doing his therapy. I am not expecting anything in return either... I am just happy being with him. We were talking about his illness today and maybe what he can do and then after we went to go shopping at Westfield's. I enjoy doing little and ordinary things with him... even just having coffee/tea is enough. He does make me happy.

 

Thing is... how far will this go....? Where will this end...? And... what else is there? I love him... God knows how much. But how much of this can I take? I know he cares for me... Maybe it's true that he does love me in some ways... I believe that things happen for a reason... we meet people for a reason... I am with Mark for a reason... which I dont know just as yet. But I'm just going along with it. I love him... and I just want him to get better... that's what's more important for now.

 

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"Roads are getting nearer
We cover distance but not together
I am the storm and I am the wonder
And the flashlights, nightmares
And sudden explosions

I don't know what more to ask for
I was given just one wish

It's about you and the sun
A morning run
The story of my maker
What I have and what I ache for" 

 

-Royskopp - "What Else Is There"