I've been back for almost 3 weeks now and I still feel so lost here in Sydney. Is it just me or is it really true how I feel about some people and some situations here at the moment. Well, at this moment, I feel as if I've lost interest with most of my friends. I dont feel that they need me or as if I need them to be around me to be happy. I feel as if I made a poor judgement about England and I should've stayed... That I should've given myself the chance to be scared and be really out of my comfort zone... I wonder what would've happened. I know for a fact that I'd be alone for Christmas if I was in London as my Aussie friends have now gone back here in Australia. I'd be sad and really really home-sick that I'd probably be crying my eyes out and would be booking the first flight back to Sydney. But you see... my expectations of people, events, situations (the weather!) has somehow failed me. None of these things are making me feel happy. But then again what is happiness...? It is just a state of mind and not of being. I should stop thinking... but instead observe what the mind is doing. The mind is making me feel so unsettled right now it's somehow scary! I want to live in the NOW again... I miss the presence of my BEING. I honestly have to learn how to chill out once again and just relax. At the end of the day... all I want is the peace and contentment that I had when I was away.... I guess I just have to learn how to practice my zen skills in the real world... where I need it the most.
Good Luck to me!!!
One lost Bannana......
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