...-=Lesson Learned From A 19 Year Old=-...

The thing I learned from a 19 year old today:

"Love and relationships are truly one of the most paradoxical aspects of being human. For it is in love that we find the greatest of strengths and the deepest of sorrows. Love can seem to be so fleeting and unachievable yet it remains well within our reach if we only learn how to embrace it's power. To experience true love, we must be willing to open ourselves up and sacrifice part of our heart and part of our soul. We must be willing to give of ourselves freely, and we must be willing to suffer. It is only when we expose our inner selves to the white hot flame of rejection, that love can burn so brightly as to join to souls, melding the two into one, creating a bond that joins forever. It is from this bond that we draw strength eternal and power ever lasting. It is in this thing that we call love that we find the means to achieve greatness, both in ourselves and in our lives." - Natoola (my sister's friend)

...-=Not In=-...

"It doesn't mean that just because they're nice to you they are your friends too."


Consider that as your lesson for today.

...-=Cynical But Hoping=-...

... And to which I told Vannia: "I wish my life was simple and less complicated like those of the boring people who we don't talk about. We didn't ask for these problems, these dramas. It just so happened that we love a person - a not so ordinary person. Why and how did that happen? We didn't ask for it to happen, it just did. Why can't these men understand that? Why can't they just let us behave like this and just nod their heads and leave us alone? I now am sorta wishing that we are one of those boring people who we don't talk about cos there's nothing exciting about their lives. I think I'd rather have a boring and uneventful life rather than have an exciting, funny, drama-filled and action-packed (my life's sorta like that really). But then again not really... cos then when you call me, I've got nothing to tell you. Then you'll stop talking to me cos I've become boring. Hmmm... Vannia, our lives are really interesting. We should find a publicist so we can write about ourselves and sell the book! It'll be a best-seller!"

To which she replied: "I know.... and now these things are happening to me too... blah... blah... blah... I sometimes wish we live an ordinary and boring life......"

...-=Few of My Favourite People & Things=-...

Just a few of my many favourites...

And alittle something about me....

...-=Pile=-...

I went for drinks and dinner with Rich and his mates so I get into his circle he said. He booked a table for 6 at Sean's at Bondi which was really really close to Marky's place and I was a bit hesitant. Since we were waiting for a few of his mates to finish work, we decided to have drinks at Victoria Room which was ok... a bit quiet but I really dont mind... Around half past 8PM I was getting hungry and I asked him if we can go to Sean's for dinner to which he said: No. Apparently we are waiting for his gf Anjenette (not Annette). She came around past 9PM... and she had this look on her face as to why is there another girl with them (me!). Hmmmm.. this is another of Mr Pile's tricks! Ok... she said she was sorry for being late but there was this long queue at Myers and she had to do some shopping for whoever.... and she isnt really starving but thanks for waiting up. Tim, one of the boys gave me this luck (of desperation/hunger/anger) and said that there's no point going to Sean's as we are an hour late and to just go to this place at Potts Point called China Doll. It was a good restaurant, French and modern Australian. We just started to order our drinks when Anjenette asked Richard right in front of us all who am I? Richard then being stupid said that I was the girl who he met in London last year. She got the sh*ts straight away. She kept on asking what I was doing there etc.... Richard just said that he wanted to catch up. Then she called him stupid. I looked at Matt and Tim and sort of silent giggled then she smacked him on the head. I then excused myself. I decided that a couple of glasses of champers and some nibbles are enough to fill me up. Richard then stood up and asked me why I was leaving... to which Anjenette said... "You can leave with her if you want!" Then stormed off to the ladies... I then just told Richard, text me when you get home.

1:09 AM- My phone beeps. Hey Anna, sorry for big drama tonight. Shdn't invited AJ to dinner. Big pain in the arse!

Told him he was asking for trouble. And he said she's too much stress and asked me how to fix it up.

I didn't reply cos if I did, with Richard being a stupid muppet he'll do as I say. But... I found this on the net while looking for a new Myspace layout and thought I'd post it here on my blog as he reads it once a week anyway...

Rich... this is your Stress Reduction Therapy. Let me know how effective it is OK?

...-=My Heart Feels... My Lips Cant Say=-...

Current mood: sad What did I do wrong?  I can probably count in one hand all the other times I felt worse than how I feel now... but this is the most confusing and frustrating.  And I guess that's what makes this extremely difficult to accept.   I've never been one to show weakness.  My pride usually gets the best of me and I keep the hurt to myself... now, pride doesn't matter.  What matters is the truthfulness of what I feel and how I seem utterly helpless in this situation.  I don't want it to be the end... I have this fantasy of how things will play out and how everyone will "live happily ever after".  But by now, we all know that it's different in real life.  Everything can change and all can be taken away in the blink of an eye... no road signs warning us of a dead end.  The water looked so calm and peaceful that we foolishly jump in.  Guess what?  What's beneath the surface is a current so turbulent, it rips you apart . But see, that's the thing about life... and love... it may not always be ideal, sometimes it's even harsh but it does raise a few red flags.  It's just up to us to look for them.  And maybe I just didn't see them... or maybe I didn't want to see them... No one is really to blame for the turn of events, they just happened the way they were supposed to.   I may not like the outcome but what's done is done and i'll just have to live with it.  We deserve to be happy... and i wish you could be happy with me.. Am I hopeful?  Jaded perhaps? I don't know, all I know is i'm not ready to let it go... to let you go... I'm gonna have to wake up tomorrow and put on a smile again.  It's gonna be another run of the "Anna is ok" charade and I don't know how long I can keep that up.  It sucks... it really does... and i'm tired.  And honestly, I don't know what to do. I'm just waiting to finally have the strength to block all thoughts of you and to cut you off emotionally from my life.  I'm waiting for the day that i'll grow up and won't even flinch at your name... and I'm waiting for my smile to be real again... but ultimately... I'm waiting for you.. I miss you.. and I want you back..

...-=दुह!=-...

Ok.. I must have put this upon myself. Why am I such a nice person sometimes? *knocks head*
Hmmm... so silly! Okay... maybe if I say no then it will help. I think I have tried so hard already and it's not worth it. Some people will just not be nice even though you're nice to them. You cant just force them to. Not everyone will appreciate other people's kindness. Tough luck! Welcome to the real world!

If you cant deal with it... leave it!!!!!

So f*cking frustrating!!!!!!!

...-=Ouch!=-...

When a shark bites you'd expect it to be painful... *ouch*






But Chewie will aways bite back!

I know you can do this! Fight it Marky...

...-=PING!=-...

Then suddenly it hit me:

 

"I do want to settle down and have a family."

 

You'd think it's easy, but it's not. Life can be such a total dag and oh well, you just deal with it.

Then you sorta realise... wow... but I really want to do this... and really have my own.

 

Then it hits you again... slapping you in the face really hard this time!

 

"Work on it!"

 

I really wish it would just work like that and have it easy... but it won't... maybe it will... but it will be a lot of hard work.

But then there is love... I love him. He knows... But...

 

What the heck!!!

 

This time it hits you a third time... Harder!

 

"WHACK!!!!" "Earth to Anna.... Love... is always this great and incredible thing for you. It conquers all.... and you wish... and pray..."

 

I pray.

...-=Blah...Blah...Blah...=-...

He said: "Why do you love me... I'm unreliable?"
She said: .... *silence* none....

The world in Anna's eyes... not perfect, will never be perfect, will not always be happy, but will try to work it out. Will always have hope, will always have love, will always have smiles and some tears, will always have a bit of both worlds.

And they wonder why...

I am happy and I am content... I am love.