...-=Mind F*ck=-...

When is a mind-fuck a mind-fuck?!
That is the question.

The last time I checked you were 37, not 16.
The last time I checked you were hot, not cold.
The last time I checked you were mature, not childish.
The last time I checked you were upfront, not a liar.

I'm over mind games.
Not yours, not anybody's.

So say yes if it's a yes and no if it's a no.

Simple.

...-=My Intuition=-...

I met him once and felt like I've known him a lifetime.
He was arrogant, obnoxious and rude at times
Yet he made me laugh, he made me smile, he gave me butterflies in my stomach.
Same night I met him, I thought I liked him, we liked each other
We made each other laugh and smile
And alas, made each other feel frustrated with each other.
We parted with the intention of never seeing each other again.
We broke each others heart that night we first met.
Well he broke my heart anyway.. not sure about his..

And now he's back again. Almost.

Second wind.

Second time is sweeter?

I dont know...

But my gut says "go for it" - "go for him"

I've met other men aside from him after MW left.. but something deep inside me tells me he might be the one.

Who knows.

It makes me smile.. it makes my heart smile.

For now that's what's important.

Friday. See you.

Who knows.

...-=Recap of 2011=-...

This year went really fast... and there has been a few heartaches and of course some great achievements and happiness.

I wouldn't say that it has been an easy year, but thanks to Susan Penno - my spiritual teacher, she has helped me get thru so many challenges such as breaking up with Michael who has been my bestfriend, lover and confidante. Like all things, it had to end and it wasn't very easy... but I had to remind myself that I am Number 1. That I should love myself more than I would love anybody else and of course, my self worth. I still love him and will always love him no matter what happens, but will have to move on.

I have also lost a friend along the way... but to be honest, she wasn't really my friend in the first place. Let's just say that I have let go of a lot if negativity this year and that includes my old job.

I really cant remember much of what's happened this year, but I know that I've let go of the man that I love, found a great job and have been drinking less. Also have realised that I have less friends who I can really rely on.. so that was interesting.

So..... I will be welcoming 2012 with a new friend tomorrow... in a place where I've never been before with his friends. I will be spending New Years Eve with total strangers far away from where I'm from and I'm hoping that this means I'm going to meet new friends in 2012 and also be in new places.

2012 will be very interesting as it is the year of "major changes" and not the end of the world.

Looking forward to it!

...-=Stars & A Heart of Gold=-...

I was having a hard time this week.. with work and health and have been so emotional that I cracked up tonight and cried and cried and cried until my doona was soaking wet with tears. It's been a while since I've had a proper cry... I can't remember the last time I actually had a good cry. I used to hold it back before and try to compose myself after a minute or two.. but tonight, I don't know why I just let it all out. Perhaps its because there is no room for air in my chest anymore that I can no longer hide the hurt & the pain deep inside me.

I tried to connect with my Spirit Guide and felt Him with me. He was holding me the whole time and crying with him felt like I was releasing a heavy burden within me. Slowly slowly I was feeling lighter whilst at the same time the tears just kept on flowing. I was one with my pain and at the same time the peace that was consuming every single bit of it.. it was so bitter-sweet. Releasing all of it whilst being healed by the brightness, lightness and sweetness of letting go of the pain and the hurt - comes peace & serenity.

After the last tear dropped I got this message from my other Guide Veronica... it was beautiful.. and so fitting.. I thought I'd share it with you..

Being in physical reality can be a harsh experience. Focusing completely upon the linear reality is often a difficult endeavor.

The important thing to realise is how magnificent your soulful energy actually is. It has the ability to break through the denseness and create the Utopian reality that you deserve. One just needs to maintain their relationship with their soul to achieve it!

Decide that you are indeed powerful and engage it. The physical reality responds when you believe in yourself. Do not let past failures influence your moment in the now. Become positive while allowing negative enactments to dissipate. Whatever has occurred will be modified by your current perspective and participation.

At the end of the day, it is you who will decide how to proceed. Do so with clarity and focus.

The physical reality is wrought with pitfalls and difficulty. You are able to rise above it all.

Belief in that is crucial.

Belief in yourself needs to be steady.

Belief in a good outcome is the main ingredient for success.

Yes, it is a difficult time.

However, you are an incredible being.

Own it.

Be it.

See what occurs."

-VERONICA

It is a beautiful message and it touched me.. I hope you all liked it too.. xx

PS: Veronica didn't put the star and the love heart in the message.. I did. And it's because I want to let you know that you are a star with a heart of gold!

...-=Black Clouds and the Dog=-...

I've been feeling pretty down this weekend.

First of, it didn't help that I stayed when I should've left when this girl last Friday who I was hanging out was embarrassing the shit out of me.. I forgot to walk away!

Second of all, I've put two dress sizes and it made me feel like poo! And of course, none of my friends understands because in their eyes I'm still tiny because I'm petite but from a size to a size 1o.. that is pretty depressing really!

Third of all, I just feel so lonely. I actually miss having someone. Bichichi made a good point that I need to just open up and it will all flow.

I think what I really need to do is to start exercising - then it will all flow.

I'm going to sleep now cos all these things are bothering me and I think all I need to do is just sleep it off and hopefully all these feelings would disappear.

A xx

...-=Thank YOU=-...

Tonight will be a short entry as its quite late and really need to go sleep soon... BUT

Thank you:

* To Torrents for giving me a free version of Lion OS X hehe
* Ex boyfriends for showing and teaching me how to love
* Old School Mates for making me laugh whilst bringing me down to memory lane of way back when our problems were cramming for exams, doing homeworks and trying to get extra pocket money to spend for lunch!

And.. I love my MAC for giving me pleasure tonight.

Sorry mostly petty stuff, but it sure did made my day today!

A xx

...-= Songs of My Soul=-...

I have been singing a lot lately. I actually miss singing.. I know I have the voice for it and I used to sing anyway so I'm not sure why I've stopped. Judgments. Of myself and others - there, I've just answered my own question! hehe!

Anyway, I saw this really cool film last night called August Rush as per Bichichi's advice and man... I was blown away! Really cool film! It's one of those films that makes your heart happy and your soul richer! After watching the film, I had magickal dreams... like I was somewhere where my heart and soul really wanted me to be and when I woke up this morning, I still had that feeling. In fact, when I was work, I was still feeling the same way. So bizarre.. but lovely and beautifully bizarre!

3 Things I'm Grateful For:

* Being alive - as I can live the most joyous adventure
* Love - cos it makes me feel alive :)
* Hope - cos without it, there will be less love

1 thing I Loved Today:

Seeing Anita actually... it's good to see someone from outside work and be able to talk about other stuff.

Anyway, I wish that you all sing, feel & follow your heart's desire.

A xx